Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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