Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
