Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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