I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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