apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
