Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
