cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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