I haven't been this sober since birth.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
