I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it penis luge time yet?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
