I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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