She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
