Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
