this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
