Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
