What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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