i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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