I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
