If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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