Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
