remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
