We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
