I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
try to milk me bitch
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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