If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
