no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize