How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
