How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
