there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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