Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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