oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
