I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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