I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
