Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
