This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
