Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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