I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
