The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And the cops told us we were all naked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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