Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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