You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
