remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
