a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize