Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
