I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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