Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
