i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
