Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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