just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
