I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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