Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
