Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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