Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
