i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
