One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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