I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
