all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
