i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.