he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?