did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do