Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

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  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5530) Bad night (746)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Big sunglasses are the new paper bag

  (817): View more from Texas

  ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex

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  (214): Big sunglasses are the new paper bag (817): ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex http://tfl.nu/2sef
  Replies (38) Good night (3094) Bad night (813)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.

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  (203): Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art. http://tfl.nu/xn8o
  Replies (11) Good night (3960) Bad night (646)
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  (716): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.

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  (716): So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it. http://tfl.nu/lnan
  Replies (18) Good night (2216) Bad night (6074)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.

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  (302): This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/kdws
  Replies (8) Good night (3074) Bad night (1569)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"

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  (973): Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them" http://tfl.nu/9mkz
  Replies (3) Good night (2802) Bad night (847)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

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  (618): You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/feuh
  Replies (9) Good night (5298) Bad night (989)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.

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  (540): Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house. http://tfl.nu/gobb
  Replies (7) Good night (1541) Bad night (967)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4508) Bad night (792)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?

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  (917): How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German? http://tfl.nu/lobs
  Replies (11) Good night (1733) Bad night (1249)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, that was you

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  (215): Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick? (215): Yeah, that was you http://tfl.nu/rydz
  Replies (7) Good night (2932) Bad night (912)
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  (631): View more from New York

  They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !

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  (631): They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real ! http://tfl.nu/8frh
  Replies (5) Good night (956) Bad night (485)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.

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  (412): I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit. http://tfl.nu/xhsp
  Replies (3) Good night (481) Bad night (712)
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  (710): View more from

  my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking

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  (710): my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking http://tfl.nu/zpwa
  Replies (4) Good night (702) Bad night (248)
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  (916): View more from California

  That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt

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  (916): That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt http://tfl.nu/napj
  Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (345)

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