Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (39433) Bad night (3492)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed

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  (601): Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed http://tfl.nu/n1gm
  Replies (83) Good night (1149) Bad night (4819)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.

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  (901): He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/264e
  Replies (20) Good night (4465) Bad night (1414)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
  Replies (14) Good night (6638) Bad night (1476)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds

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  (+61): He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds http://tfl.nu/yob4
  Replies (8) Good night (1274) Bad night (2516)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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  (573): Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something http://tfl.nu/61ie
  Replies (7) Good night (737) Bad night (1242)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.

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  (801): If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke. http://tfl.nu/6dxv
  Replies (7) Good night (1710) Bad night (658)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

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  (806): It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there. http://tfl.nu/4q4i
  Replies (8) Good night (466) Bad night (1402)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.

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  (919): Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it. http://tfl.nu/kkz9
  Replies (2) Good night (510) Bad night (1088)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap

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  (508): Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap http://tfl.nu/gn8d
  Replies (1) Good night (819) Bad night (462)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again

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  (503): i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again http://tfl.nu/nar2
  Replies (5) Good night (799) Bad night (415)
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  (916): View more from California

  Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.

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  (916): Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now. http://tfl.nu/po20
  Replies (0) Good night (333) Bad night (611)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.

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  (727): We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity. http://tfl.nu/gy6t
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (258)
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  (415): View more from California

  Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with

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  (415): Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with http://tfl.nu/l7pz
  Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (503)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game

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  (203): You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game http://tfl.nu/wvii
  Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (592)

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