I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate