Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

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  (215): i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter http://tfl.nu/d1e8
  Replies (64) Good night (806) Bad night (2990)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

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  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2578) Bad night (7208)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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  (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies. http://tfl.nu/xn33
  Replies (15) Good night (984) Bad night (5553)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game

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  (618): the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game http://tfl.nu/je2o
  Replies (14) Good night (4166) Bad night (510)
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  (209): View more from California

  His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.

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  (209): His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it. http://tfl.nu/5398
  Replies (19) Good night (6445) Bad night (697)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message

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  (505): Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message http://tfl.nu/azaf
  Replies (7) Good night (4959) Bad night (999)
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  (854): View more from

  i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews

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  (854): i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews http://tfl.nu/lvjo
  Replies (8) Good night (1779) Bad night (827)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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  (503): Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab. http://tfl.nu/if5q
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (3366)
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  (516): View more from New York

  It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away

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  (516): It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away http://tfl.nu/5rgp
  Replies (4) Good night (1911) Bad night (895)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Why do you have to go to the hospital?

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me

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  (321): Why do you have to go to the hospital? (407): I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me http://tfl.nu/224u
  Replies (7) Good night (846) Bad night (1817)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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  (563): I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating. http://tfl.nu/5u43
  Replies (2) Good night (1148) Bad night (1325)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.

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  (270): Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. http://tfl.nu/l82s
  Replies (4) Good night (1066) Bad night (413)
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  (408): View more from California

  Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.

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  (408): Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring. http://tfl.nu/7yo3
  Replies (1) Good night (438) Bad night (316)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.

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  (720): I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things. http://tfl.nu/e55d
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (221)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.

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  (208): Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering. http://tfl.nu/ya1u
  Replies (5) Good night (786) Bad night (318)

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