I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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