Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
