I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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