Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
