Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
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apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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