YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
