my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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