It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
