Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Randomize
