she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
