i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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