There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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