I accidentally burped into my bong.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
