I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I just sharted jello shots
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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