You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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