Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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