Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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