I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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