Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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